One Hundred Things Austria Mustn't Do
by Hazel-Beka
Summary: 12. Shaving off Francis' beard will only result in temporary satisfaction and is therefore not worth it. 70. Attempting to watch The Sound of Music will only result in tears. 71. America's tears. A list fic that does what it says on the tin.


**A/N - If you frequent the main Hetalia community on LJ, you'll probably have seen other versions of this meme. If not, you should go have a look - there are versions for quite a few other nations and they're all hilarious. I decided to jump on the bandwagon, and although I originally wanted to do one for England, someone had already done him so I was original and did Austria. It was hard to come up with one hundred rules, but I did it! Reviews are received with love!**

**One Hundred Things Austria Mustn't Do at World Meetings**

1. Inviting Prussia to a meeting and then when he arrives saying 'oh wait, you don't have a country anymore, do you?' and slamming the door in his face is unacceptably cruel

2. Trying to make the anniversary of the dissolution of Prussia a national holiday is also unacceptable

3. It is morally wrong to set Hungary on France

4. Or Prussia

5. It's also wrong to videotape them being smacked by a frying pan and posting it on the internet

6. It is, however, perfectly acceptable to keep the footage for personal enjoyment

7. It is pointless to argue with Germany or Prussia about the gender of Nutella

8. Because they're obviously wrong

9. Having a piano put in the meeting room is unnecessary

10. Playing a CD of classical music while someone else is speaking is also frowned upon

11. Humming the funeral march around Prussia is cruel

12. Shaving off Francis' beard will only result in temporary satisfaction and is therefore not worth it

13. Burning it off is even less worth it

14. Threatening to cook Gilbird for dinner is animal cruelty

15. It is not even acceptable if it's for someone else's dinner

16. Especially not Prussia's dinner

17. Asking Italy to come back to work as a maid will result in a bad reaction from Germany

18. Mentioning maids anywhere near Hungary will backfire

19. The one who will end up wearing the dress won't be her

20. Buying Hungary kitchen appliances is only appreciated by her

21. Locking Prussia and Russia in a room together wasn't funny after the first time

22. And definitely not after the fifth

23. Or the seventeenth

24. Telling Russia that Prussia wants to become one with him is not allowed

25. Sitting anywhere near Germany at meetings tends to make some of the other countries nervous

26. Just to clarify, this is a bad thing

27. On that note, if Germany asks for us to become one, the correct answer is no

28. If Prussia asks for us to become one, the correct answer is to shout for help from Germany

29. Shouting for help from Hungary will severely backfire

30. Especially if she has access to a camera

31. Sewing up the holes in Prussia's jeans will apparently ruin them

32. Even though this is clearly not the case

33. Sewing the holes in Germany's underpants during meetings will cause much embarrassment for Germany

34. It will also cause many lewd comments from France

35. Confirming these comments will only result in more detailed questions

36. Asking England to switch France's chair for Busby's chair is strictly forbidden

37. Encouraging any violence between England is France is also forbidden

38. Any sort of communication with England is forbidden if France is the subject of the conversation

39. Using code to get around rule no. 38 is not allowed

40. Even if nobody figures out the code

41. Painting a moustache on the Mona Lisa and posting it to Italy as revenge is considered bitter and petty

42. Painting moustaches on the figures in The Last Supper is even worse

43. Allowing Liechtenstein to be around Hungary for extended periods of time is not to be advised

44. Especially if Switzerland finds out that his sister has been around a bad influence

45. Encouraging a battle of frying pan vs. guns just to see Switzerland beaten is uncalled for

46. The excuse that it was for educational purposes does not work

47. The term 'vital regions' should never ever be used to refer to Silesia.

48. Ever

49. Especially not when Prussia is in earshot

50. Or France

51. Becoming one with Russia is not an appropriate course of action

52. No matter what unspeakable things he promises to do to Prussia

53. If France ever asks if we can become one, he isn't talking about our countries

54. This is why Germany gave me pepper spray

55. But this is the only situation in which using it is OK

56. Using it for any other reason will get me arrested

57. The Austrian Declaration of Neutrality does not make an exception for wars where France is involved

58. Setting Hungary on nations who do not conform to my opinions at world meetings is undiplomatic

59. Unless said nation is America

60. Because no one will dispute the fact that an unconscious America is preferable to an America who is able to talk

61. If France or Prussia ask whether Germany's wurst tastes good, the correct response is to walk away

62. Or, if there aren't any witnesses, to use the pepper spray

63. Because they aren't talking about the wurst I think they are

64. Stripping in public is illegal

65. This is especially to be remembered when a suspiciously French shop owner promises to sell something in exchange for a striptease

66. No matter how much money this method of payment saves

67. The same applies to when the shop owner is wearing the head of a bear costume

68. No matter how much Hungary tries to deny rule no. 64

69. She is lying

70. Attempting to watch The Sound of Music will only result in tears

71. America's tears

72. It is not OK to make America cry

73. Encouraging Prussia to try and annex the Baltic States to see him punished by Russia is not fair on Lithuania, Estonia and Latvia

74. Or on Prussia

75. Drawing a moustache on a picture of Old Fritz and sending it to Prussia is in bad taste

76. It is not hilarious to watch him cry

77. Referring to Romano as 'Spain's maid' will result in a temper tantrum from Romano

78. Never refer to Romano's temper tantrums as temper tantrums

79. Unless he is well out of earshot

80. Pointing out the similarities between the names 'Prussia' and 'Russia' is not advisable when either of the nations in question are present

81. Especially not if the conclusion to the observation is that they are made for each other

82. Even though Russia would be delighted to hear this

83. Prussia would not

84. I must care that Prussia would not

85. Or at least pretend to care

86. Attempting to teach Gilbird to attack Prussia on sight will not work

87. Neither will teaching Pierre to nest in France's hair

88. Demanding that Poland return my vital regions will result in lewd remarks from France and Prussia

89. Especially when Poland replies 'like, no way, your vital regions are totally hot, I'm keeping them for, like, ever'

90. Inviting Prussia to a world meeting and making him sit next to Russia is cruel and unusual

91. Putting Belarus on his other side is even crueller

92. Especially if I tell her that Prussia is planning to propose to Russia

93. Helping her to smuggle knives into the room result in Germany Having Words with me

94. Telling Germany that Prussia deserved it is not a valid excuse

95. Even if he did deserve it

96. Trying to convince America that I have never yodelled from a mountain top is useless

97. It is equally useless to protest that I don't wear lederhosen

98. If Hungary says that she needs to practice using her new camera, I must never agree to help her

99. Ever

100. Especially not in the middle of a world meeting


End file.
